Deep Wounds of the Sichuan Quake

This blaming game got to stop. The pressure on those low-level government official is too much for any human to bear. They have lost just as much as everybody else. Holding them personally responsible, as they are the one benefited from this tragedy is very inhuman. This is reminiscent of what happened in the Cultural Revolution.

I haven't posted here in a long time both due to laziness as well as disillusionment over the quality of the blog comments, but this post, as well as Feng's blog, is utterly heart-wrenching. In the past, I have said more than a few unkind things about the officials of the area after the quake, especially in the light of various expenditures and usages of donated money. Thank you for reminding me, Austin, that in many ways many of them are just as much victims as any other humans in the area. I have translated Feng's post in its entirety below.

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Many If's

If, one day, I were to die...elder brother, please shoulder the great responsibility of taking care of our parents. The purpose of my coming to this world was to experience pain and endure suffering. Else, why would we have entered the world as twins? [I don't quite understand this.]

If, one day, I were to die...wife, please don't grieve for me or be sad. During these past thirty-some years, you have been my dearest friend. Depression has taken me away from the world, but it has also taken away all of my sorrow.

If, one day, I were to die...father, please don't cry. It really is too hard for me to continue living. Why is life always filled with such worries, hardships, and suffering?

If, one day, I were to die...mother, please don't be miserable. In these thirty brief years, I've experienced your boundless love and caring for me. However, life is simply too painful. Please let me rest. Really, let me have a good rest...

If, one day, I were to die...son, that would be the happiest day of my life. I will have your mother scatter my ashes beneath the zaojue trees of Qushan Elementary School, so that I might always accompany you, never to part from you. Son, now that you've gone, your father no longer has a future, no longer has any hopes, no longer has anything to look forward to in life. To be with you is my greatest joy.

If, one day, I were to die...my dear friends, please don't be depressed. My departure will make many people happy, put many people at ease. My existence is a source of fear to them. I am their enemy. To them, my death is the death of an enemy and a cause for great celebration.

If, one day, I were to die...son, I want to address you again. We will never part, never leave each other. We'll always be together...Believe that your father holds the deepest, deepest love for you.

If, one day, I were to die...my dear internet friends, thank you for all of the support and affection you have always shown me. I believe that if I were in Heaven, assuming I am able to enter Heaven, I will petition that in the next life, none of you will experience any pain or suffering. Thank you all...thank you...

Austin, I just translated Feng Xiang's blog post in full, but it does not appear; attempts to repost result in a notification that I've already posted. Is it awaiting moderation, or is there an error?

I was also intending to translate the post directly behind it, which seems to suggest that his suicide was due at least in part to other reasons; I have seen others suggest that it was due to disagreements over how the donations and/or reconstruction funds were to be handled. I will wait to get some confirmation that my translation will show up first.

This human tragedy will have a very long tail. I am very saddened for the pain suffered by people like Mr. Feng. I understand and respect his decision to end his own life, because there is a limit in most of us as how much one is able to endure.

Not to assign any blame over a natural disaster, I do hope that the government, at all levels, should be awakened by the enormity of the sufferings. They owe to the families, dead or alive, the obligation to examine how they have served the people. The shady school constructions, the refusal to publish the statistics of student casualties, and the crackdown on activists...are conscionable.